Monday, June 1, 2009

And the "sleeplessness" continues.....

So it's definitely 4 am and I am definitely on my couch watching tv and well, obviously, blogging! I fell asleep early, and I thought that I would be nice and tuckered out after being in the sun all day, but I guess not. My husband and furbaby, on the other hand, are peacefully snoring away upstairs so I figured this would be a good way to pass the time. At least I am able to catch up on some tv before I leave for the hospital....I must add a new tv show to my list of trashy tv that I am newly addicted to.....
SOUTHERN BELLES on SoapNet. Ya'll it's hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had not heard of it until yesterday while watching The Soup on E! (another fave of ours). So I googled it and ran through my tv guide to see when it came on- it had a few reruns that aired last night so I recorded them so that's what I am watching right now. It's great. It's definitely a T Total Train wreck when it comes to reality tv. It's kinda Real Housewives meets True Life: I'm a Southern Belle (from MTV). A few of the girls are really cute and truly cute little belles of the ball, but a few of them aren't. One of them is 32, married into money, and a two time divorcee. Not that I'm judging, but this chick wants to start a matchmaking business. Seriously!?!?! Not exactly something my mama would say defines a typical Southern Lady. Which, for a few of these girls, I use this term loosely. One good thing is that they tend to have pretty good music that plays throughout the show. There are a few songs that I have tried to Google, but can't find a play list. All in all though, it's a reality tv show so you know no matter how bad it ever gets, I will continue to watch and be a faithful follower- blog about it, fb about it, etc.
So, now onto the elephant in the room.....I would love to tell you that I am NOT nervous, that I am NOT anxious, or worried about tomorrow....but then again actions speak louder than words and I am up at 4 am watching tv and typing my feelings out into blog world. I think maybe it is finally hitting me that everything is about to change. Raymond and I were not able to attend an actual birthing class because the Head OB Nurse is out permanently on sick leave and it happened right before our scheduled class.....there weren't any classes over at the hospital so they gave us some taped birthing classes to watch. Maybe we're just a little laid back as far as "planners" but I guess when you have a planned C Section, the fears of the unknown pretty much go out the window. I haven't been worried about distinguishing between false labor and real labor, my water breaking in the middle of a grocery store, rushing to the hospital in the middle of the night or any other fears that someone following a more "Let Mother Nature take her own course plan" For the past 6 weeks, we have pretty much known that I would be having a planned section for the sake of my health and Georgia's. Anyways, Raymond and I watched the final video last night and my only fear that I have had is about getting a spinal. I've never had one, so I don't know what to expect. I think it's just that natural fear of the unknown. But they went through in explicit detail about all the different types of anesthesia used in labor and I do feel better. I think I was worried that it would be painful, but they say it's not. I also think that the whole idea of not being able to hold my daughter for a few hours after she's born saddens me a bit. It was explained to me that until I had come out of recovery and settled in my room, I wouldn't be able to see her- so I think I am just anxious about how long it will really take. Raymond and I have asked our families and friends to hold back for just a day before coming to meet our baby girl considering today will be a long and exhausting day for us both. And everything is so up in the air and unknown we decided it might be less stressful on us if it were just the two of us and that way we wouldn't be worried about introducing our beautiful bundle to the world until we had plenty of time with her. After being in the hospital twice already, we see how quickly we get overwhelmed and how much we just really appreciate our space. So we felt like this would be the best plan for us. I guess I feel like I have this one day to just take it all in, and I can't ever go back and recreate those first moments with her.
It feels like my wedding day all over again- when I was standing in the back of the church with the doors closed, my heart beating so fast, anticipating seeing my groom for the first time waiting down at the end of the aisle for me. It's a similar feeling in that it's a moment that I know I will relive in my mind over and over again and treasure forever. I just can't wait to hold her and kiss her and see what she looks like. I have dreamed about this moment for 32 weeks now (yes, I was that girl that found out she was pregnant at 4 weeks) and I am so thankful that God has brought me (us) this far.
Off to finish packing and get all the bags together so Raymond can pack the car! Hope you all have a Marvelous Monday!! See you all soon!!!

Love, Charlotte

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what are you observing these days????